The Promised Land
Danish film icon Mads Mikkelsen, better known here for his turns as a cannibal in the TV series “Hannibal” and more recently as a time-traveling Nazi in the last Indiana Jones chapter, teams up with director Nikolaj Arcel, who penned Mikkelsen’s “Riders of Justice” (2020), for this historical tale of a man living on the fringe, trying to tame the wilderness and fend off others wanting in on his fortune. Mikkelsen plays real-life military man Ludvig von Kahlen, who for all his service to the king doesn’t have much to show for his service and winds up cultivating the northern part of 18th century Denmark known as the heath – a stretch of sandy scrub that no other can transform into arable land. His secret is potatoes, something new from Germany. Things take seed well initially, as von Kahlen gets along with the shunned Roma people who inhabit the area, but neighboring noble Frederik De Schinkel (Simon Bennebjerg), a sadistic, entitled egomaniac who can’t be outdone, leans in to poke around. Things get bloody real fast. The area, as we know from von Kahlen’s arrival, is relatively lawless, and it’s better to shoot first and ask questions later. Based on Ida Jessen’s 2020 novel “The Captain and Ann Barbara,” the film sees a grudge germinated by Arcel alongside slow-sprouting character development. The main reason to see “The Promised Land” is Mikkelsen’s stone-hewn masculinity. The film was the Danish shortlist entry for the Oscars’ 2023 Best International Feature entry (its native title translates loosely into “The Bastard”), and a film that proves that taters and revenge is a dish best served in the cold, barren Jutland Heath.
Argylle
Mathew Vaughn looked like the next Guy Ritchie when he popped out the British crime noir “Layer Cake” (2004) – which also teed off the career of Bond-actor-to-be Daniel Craig – and then served up the dark, comedic “Kick-Ass” (2010) before settling, like Ritchie, for a semi-silly, semi-entertaining series (“Kingsman” for Vaughn, “Sherlock Holmes” for Ritchie). Now he goes full silly with an inane spy spoof that could have used some of the kind of self deprecating reverie of the 1967 “Casino Royale” starring Peter Sellers and Woody Allen as Bonds. Here we get Bryce Dallas Howard as an introverted author who pens bestselling thrillers built around secret agent Argylle (Henry Cavill, trading in his “Superman” cape for a misspelled sock) and his regulars (John Cena and Oscar-winner Ariana DeBose, both wasted). She falls into a real-world game of intrigue when a phalanx of baddies comes after her on a train and an unassuming agent comes to her rescue (Sam Rockwell, likable and a hysterical offset compared with more classic spy studs). The next two hours – yes, the movie is long, too long – sees the plot flip and fold inward on itself. The whats and whys don’t matter, and if I shared much more I’d violate my no-spoilers oath, though it’s hard to spoil something that’s fetid out of the can. There are bits of cutesy, semi-invigorating action, but the narrative is bloated, inert and fails to wow. The true insult is the smug, avuncular grin it wears from frame one and beams even brighter and more irritatingly as you realize you’re caught up in a joyless espionage slog that also wastes the talents of Bryan Cranston, Catherine O’Hara and Sofia Boutella. About the only one who comes out well is Samuel L. Jackson, who always holds his own in the middle of a cinematic meltdown. After all, he was the only reason to see “Snakes on a Plane” (2006), right?